Culture of Fear III

"I wanna talk about me, I wanna talk about I, I wanna talk about number #1, oh me oh my.”
Did you see the selfie I posted three minutes ago? It’s different from the selfie I posted ten minutes ago.
What’s my sleep number?
It is all about me. Everything is about me.

Did you hear what President Obama said in his State of the Union Address this week? He quoted the first three words of The Preamble to The Constitution of The United States of America: “We, the People.” Who cares about “We, the People?” Does he believe people in the UNITED States (talk about a misnomer) are concerned about We or Us. (U.S.?) This is the age of “Me, the Person.”

How does the wolf kill the sheep? The wolf isolates, segregates, separates and culls the one sheep from the folk, or we could say, the family. Alone, isolated, separated, any one individual sheep becomes vulnerable. This is the recruitment ploy of terrorists throughout the ages. “Get one of them alone.” We are ripe for the picking these days because we are more concerned about our own self-interest than at any other time in history.

I find it fascinating that an expert in Constitutional Law (I am talking about education, not politics) bases a speech in 2016 on the concept of unified and cohesive people working together “in order to form a more perfect union” and “provide for the common defense.”
We will argue, the president said emphatically, and we will disagree, but we must work together. He made the terrorists very unhappy last night. He called them what they are: fanatics. Do you know what a fanatic is? A fanatic is a sheep that has been culled from the herd. A fanatic does not represent a country or a religion or a culture or a group. A fanatic represents his or her own self-interest.

You see, a group keeps its sheep “in line.” The first group we all experience is the family unit, whatever that unit may consist of. It is the family, which teaches children that their rights stop when someone else’s rights are impacted. I don’t know of a child who before the age of two didn’t hit or kick his or her mother. Successful mothers teach their children that they may not hit or kick another living thing, be it human or dog or cat. That child’s rights stop when the rights of another are impacted.

In successful families children are encouraged, respected, and rewarded for honesty and cooperation. Keep these four positives in mind: encouragement, respect, honesty (or transparency) and cooperation. Children who come into adulthood without these four character traits cannot succeed in community, in school, in a work environment or in the families they create later in life.

John Gottman writes about Seven Principles of Successful Marriage and about what he calls the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Gottman’s four horsemen are the four characteristics which after thirty years of studying thousands of married couples Gottman and his team of researchers have determined to be the four predictors of divorce:

Criticism
Contempt (disdain)
Silence (as in the silent treatment)
Stone-walling (“grown up” temper tantrums)

The opposite of criticism is kindness, encouragement, curiosity (What makes you say that?), lack of judgment, and open-mindedness. The opposite of contempt is clearly respect, a capacity for accepting differentness, tolerance, a climate of welcoming diversity. The opposite of silence, as Gottman means it, is transparency, honesty, and maybe even humility. Gottman’s silence is the secretive, self-absorption of “I’m not telling you what I think or what I stand for or who I am or what I’m planning or what I will do next.” Silence is probably the most difficult of the four horsemen to understand unless you have been in relationship with someone who “gave you the silent treatment.” If so, you know in your bones and understand completely what this silence is all about and how painful, humilitating, confusing and hurtful it can be. (In fact, having just written that, I think I’ll ask every anxious client I see if there is someone in his or her life who gives them the silent treatment. I felt anxious simply remembering what the silent treatment felt like.) Lastly, the opposite of stone-walling is cooperation. I think of stone-walling as temper tantrums by babies in big bodies. Stone-walling is refusal to participate unless “I get my way.” In fact, “I’m taking my ball and going home.” We have watched in horror as the well-educated, well-fed, well-paid members of Congress have stonewalled each other to the point that the government had to shut down. Last time 800,000 people were immediately put on leave without pay because people we elected to speak for “we, the people,” chose stonewalling over participation and cooperation.

I know I have jumped from families to marriages to government, but, I believe, it is all degrees of the same thing. Successful marriages and families and governments operate on encouragement, respect, transparency and cooperation. Unsuccessful marriages, families and governments operate on criticism, contempt, silence and stone-walling. It seems to me this further boils down to a very basic mindset and belief about life: Am I in this for me, or are we all in this together?

The culture of fear in which we presently exist promotes smugness, self-centeredness, irresponsibility and over stimulation. It promotes “selfies.”

 

Gottman has given us a clear prescription if the selfie culture of fear seems like a bad idea. Do the opposite of what leads to divorce. Make a personal commitment to live your life in unity with the other people, animals, plants, and even rocks here on this small planet: Encouragement, Respect, Transparency and Cooperation.

Blessings and peace to you from Tony and Susan.

 

Prayer Page:

Please leave your prayers and concerns at link below:

http://pillaroflightfoundation.org/contact-us/prayer-page/

Supporting Scripture:

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 (ESV)

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. ” James 3:14-16 (ESV)

“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (ESV)

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” 2 Corinthians 9:7 (ESV)

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:29-32 (ESV)

More support is yours at the following websites:

http://pillaroflightfoundation.org/
https://manyfacesofanxiety.com/
https://manyfacesofdepression.com/
https://manyfacesofptsd.com/